Because of Him
by okaie
Summary: Hi, he said, I’m Phil Diffy.  That was the start.  Goodbye, was the finish.


**One-Shot: Because of Him**

**Disclaimer: I only own myself, my computer, my words, and my emotions. The rest is owned by Disney.**

**Rating: K+**

**Just came to me suddenly, and I decided to write it. Hope you enjoy. Reviews are very much appreciated.**

"Hi," he said, "I'm Phil Diffy." That was the start. "Goodbye," was the finish.

I don't know if I'll ever be happier that I heard that hi. But I also wonder, could I ever be sadder?

He was the most amazing boy I had ever met. And probably ever will meet. Before I knew him, I already liked him, even if I wouldn't admit it. When I knew him, I fell even harder for him. We teetered around the edges of romance for a long time, and even with all our good memories as friends, I wonder if it would've been different if we had just taken the plunge sooner. But would it be good different, or bad different?

Good, because then, well, the most amazing boy in time could've been my boyfriend. Bad, because, maybe it is possible that I could miss him more, and cry more tears. It is possible, isn't it? I could've gone through five boxes of tissues that day rather then three. I could've had more then two kisses to remember him by; to savor.

But maybe that's what hurts more… that I loved a boy I knew could disappear at any moment. A boy that taught me that time is both nothing and everything. And I threw time away with that boy. Maybe that's what hurts the most. Maybe not.

It hurts to know that I love someone that may not have been meant to be. But if it wasn't meant to be, why did I have to fall in love? Why do I have to know the heartbreak of love, so that I can live without him. Wouldn't it have been better if he never came at all.

But then I think back. That hi gave me love, and consequently, the best two years of my life. That bye broke my heart.

How can you fall so hard… for something that wasn't meant to be?

Unless it was destiny.

But aren't they the same thing?

I think they are… but yet, they are not.

Was it destiny for me to meet him, for me to fall in love with him, and then get my heart broken by him? Was it destiny for it not to be?

I'll never know, because I can't read my future… only he can.

I can't rewrite the past either.

But if I could, would I want to change anything?

Would I want to go back and never know him?

Because then, it would make right now so much easier, because I wouldn't know him… and I wouldn't be sitting here, in a puddle of tears contemplating my past… my future. But then I'd lose him… and what he's done for me. I'd lose myself. I'd lose who I am… who I've become; right now.

Would it be worth giving up two years worth of memories, so I can feel better right now? So my heart wouldn't be in million pieces? So I could be smiling instead of frowning? Is it worth giving up what I've learned from him? Is it worth giving up him?

Of course it's not. I love him too much. The problem is… it's me loving him that makes me cry myself to sleep every night. It's the fact that I love him that makes me feel like my heart has gotten ripped out.

It's almost too much to bear. But given the choice… I would bear it… because else I would miss out on the most wonderful boy I've ever known. The boy I love.

I'll never trade my memories of him, because I would end up trading myself. I'll pick myself back up… someday… hopefully. Because as much as it hurts, I can live with a hole in my heart; I can survive. But I can't live without him… even if he isn't here.

But, I'm thankful for what I did have with him; I wouldn't change anything for the world. He's worth every memory, every tear, every smile.

It's because of him that I cry.

But it's because of him that I can look back and smile. It's because of him, that I can lift my head up high. It's because of him that I've learned to believe; in myself, in others, and in my dreams. It's because of him, that I can love.

"Hi," he said, "I'm Phil Diffy." That was the start.

**So… what did you think? Good? Bad? Cheesy? Dumb? I'd love to hear your opinions on this. Please review, because there's no other way I'll know what you thought. And hey, I'm sure you want your opinions to get heard as much as I want to hear them.**


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